“I’m afraid we have some bad news. Please, you might want to stay seated.”

Mark your calendar or Palm V. You can expect to die on:

July 8, 2055
at the age of 73 years old.

On that date you will most likely die from:

Cancer (32%)
Heart Attack (16%)
Suicide (6%)
Horrible Accident (6%)
Contagious Disease (6%)
Auto-Fellatio (6%)
Alcoholism (5%)

Interesting stats from the DeathTest:

15897189 people have taken the DeathTest.
Of those, 55% were female and 45% were male.
The average life expectancy of test takers is 67 years.
10% of test takers have hairy nipples.
4% have had team sex.
8% work in the porn business.
And 325355 people claim to have leprosy.

Disclaimer: We, despite being proficient with the human anatomy, are not doctors. Keep that in mind before calling your lawyer as you’re clutching your left arm moaning “Damn you, Spark, Damn YOU!” on July 8, 2055, as you slip silently into the night.